those bad days..

first of all , i dont really know how to start ..
today was the 30. april, actually a totally normal day...
however today i learned a really important thing..
you cant always be nice and kind to people who wont be the same to you..
i am just in some aspects really naive and think that u would do the same for me like i would for you.
i helped u so much and so many times and you seriously didn´t and just now, after a lot of times i realized that i cant continue like that coz its me who suffers.
secondly, i gave you J my trust in a certain way  which i never gave someone..
you were the first and after 5 or 6 years we still feel the same things for each other ..
its weird coz i thought that feelings disappear, but they didn't. when your not here i miss you and its different obviously but when your here i just want to touch you the whole time and be with you .
tomoro is ur last way and then we wont see each other for ages..
i hope so badly that i can come to your b-day and make u a surprise... we will see..
all in all i realized that everything HAPPENS FOR A REASON
trust me EVERYTHING ..
more and more i see that god is on our side and does only want the best for us.
also i more and more see who my real friends are and who i´m becoming, an adult, a girl who knows what she is capable of and who she really is.
added to that i love joana, my best friend she is the one i can call , don't need to talk a lot and understands me right away so that i feel much better right away..
who really surprised me this year was my mate yannik.. he is in

my school , in my class and i trust him a lot. Obviously he has his bad sides, but at the end of the day he always asks me how i am when i am bad and he listens to me and helps me in every situation.. i thought he was a little immature at first, as he is in my age and boys are normally a little different in the way of thinking in comparison to the girls in the same age, but he really knows a lot and is an amazing friend .
by dear readers soon i will post more xx